With Thanks comes Appreciation...

So today is Thanksgiving, and althought I've yet to hold my precious Branson Dane. I've found I've so much to be thankful for, asking for anything more would be greedy.

   First, my baby boy is here. That is a blessing in itself. So many people out there do not get to share this day with their children. Though I am not holding him, I am with him. I can't help but think of my brother, who has served over seas for three terms of nine monthes each. He wasn't with his children at all. Then I have my sister, who lost her son to S.I.D.S a week before Thanksgiving three years ago. So me asking to hold him is a little greedy when I think of what they've been through.

  Next, he is making improvement. Another blessing. Earlier this week things seemed to be going all wrong. Then when I couldn't handle it anymore, things turned around. God is just amazing like that. There are so many babies out there that aren't making improve or that are terminally ill. i can only imagine what is going through their minds. For now on when I get down I will look back and think of how I felt today. Completely blessed.

 Finally, I have a  family going through this with me. Brian, my husband, has been completely amazing. He has stood by my side and went about and beyond to make sure I feel loved. He has done things other husbands wouldn't consider doing. I have our parents, who make sure we have everything to make this hospital stay as comfortable as possible. I also have our friends, who at this point have become family also. When I met them I gained some extra siblings. Speaking of siblings, mine are amazing. I couldn't ask for more.

 Those phone calls and visits that I was dreading, I have come to love. I realize now they were here because they new I needed support. I just took getting to my lowest point to be able to look to the top. 

 Why am I telling you all of this? I am hoping someone out there will come across this and it will help them get through whatever it is they are trying to overcome. So with that I end this with

                            Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!



Emotional rollercoaster

So on Friday my life was forever changed. I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy I've ever laid eyes on, unfortunately he was five weeks premature. Although he already received steroid injections, he was still placed in NICU. I don't know if any of you have dealt with this but it is truely an emotional roller coaster.

    First, while you're ecstatic your new baby is here. It is heart breaking  when they tell you that due to the prematurity of his lungs they are taking him to NICU. What's even worse is when they tell you while he is in NICU you will be unable to touch your child. Do you know how hard it is to look at your precious baby laying in a bed hooked to many monitors and you unable to even hold him when he cries. It's heart wrenching.

   Next is the visitors, everyone has heard of his arrival and wants to visit. While with every visitor you are thinking please go away I just want my baby. You are in a very awkward state. While you are glad that your friends care, you really just want to be alone or with your spouse. You don't want to be rude and ask them to leave but at the same time you just want to scream.

  Then it's the phone calls, everyone calls every few minutes to check on your new baby. While again you're glad they care, you're thinking if I knew I'd tell you. Maybe it's just me but when I'm already stressed to the core dealing with all of this on my own, I really don't feel like answering a thousand questions. Then its the never ending I can't wait to hold him. You really want to go off then dep end. You're thinking seriously I carried him for eight monthes, almost died having him, and you don't think I'd like to hold him. Hello, I'm dying inside not getting to.

  Finally you get some good news. You can't wait to share it. Your precious baby is finally getting better. Everyone is already planning their visits to your house. How do you tell them you want time with your baby before anyone visits? Your child needs time to bond with his parents before he meets a hundred new people.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you handle it?